I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
