im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
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All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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