Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
50% drunk capacity currently
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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