the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
