We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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