I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
