There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
