It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
