Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
