I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
