I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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