Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
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You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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