I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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