I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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