Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We left the knife in your bed.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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