now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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