I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
