As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I need to calm my uterus...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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