went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
