it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
