well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
