I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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