my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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