You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
