I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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