Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
