i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
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.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
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all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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