ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
