the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
