There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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