She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
