Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
