I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she told me i tasted like america
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
