Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
