i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
