so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
