1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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