We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
