I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
