Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
