in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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