I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
