Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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