Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
