The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
