New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
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i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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