She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
