I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
