New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
