All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
