If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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