Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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