long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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