he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
