Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
