I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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