Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
