They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
