Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
