I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
