i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Me too!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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