i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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