I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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