Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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