The maid of honor just puked.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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