god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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