just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
