What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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