Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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