At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize