I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
