Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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