this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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