Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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