Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Randomize
