Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
