Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
