I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
