and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
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is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
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While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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