She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
